Parenthood

$('#MotherToBe .twins').unload( function() {
   // 0 - 5
   $(this).attr("voice-family", "male");
   $(this).attr("volume", "x-loud");
   $(this).attr("pitch", "x-high");
   $(this).resize();
   $('.randomobjects').draggable();
   $(this).resize();

   // 6 - 10
   $(this).attr("volume", "loud");
   $(this).attr("pitch", "high");
   $(this).resize();
   $(this).filter(".knowledge").effect("explode");
   $(this).resize();

   // 11 - 15
   $(this).attr("pitch", "medium");
   $(this).resize();
   $(this).filter(".reason").effect("blind");
   $(this).siblings.text();
   $(this).add(".friends").text();
   $(this).resize();

   // 16 - 21
   $(this).attr("pitch", "low");
   $(this).resize();
   $(this).add(".friends").text();
   $(this).appendTo(".College");
   $(this).detach();
}

Surgical procedure - removing your tonsils

$('body').add('anesthetic');
$('#conciousness').fadeOut();
$('#tonsils').remove();
$('#conciousness').fadeIn();
$('#diet').replaceWith('Ice Cream');

Organising a night out

$('.venue:has(space)').find().get('Reservation');
$('.friends .underage').each().parents().get('Permission');
$('.friends:selected').text("Let's go out for dinner tonight!");

Cleaning the house

$('.surfaces').remove('.dust');
$('.bins:not:empty').empty();
$('.dishes').effect('shake');
$('#dishwasher .rack').load('dishes').add('washing powder');
$('#dishwasher #onbutton').keypress();
$('.television').focus();

The start of an American Football play

$('#play').select();
$('#players .good').select();
$('#players:selected').position();
$('.snap').trigger();

A friend in need ...

$('.friends').closest().find().unload('.troubles');

Recovering from a hangover

$('#bowels').empty();
$('.bucket').closest().get(1).append('vomit');
if ($('#bed').has('.someoneelse')) {
   $('#selfrespect').die();
   $('#bed').empty();
}
$('.regrets').each().focus();
$(self).detach('.headache');
$(self).append('.food .greasy');